We go to the movies for any number of reasons, but one of the best is to see characters get screwed. Sometimes literally and sometimes metaphorically. If you're in a romantic comedy, typically it's both. However, there's something special about the genre of sci fi, in which the "aw crap" moments are fueled by a force that seems unstoppable; in some cases otherworldly. We don't know its weaknesses, all we know is it's gunning for the characters and they are so screwed. It is in that spirit that Apollo 18 opens this Friday and we look back at some of our favorite films where the scenarios seemed all too dire.
10.) Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Okay, don't hate. Again, not the best film quality-wise on this list. Although not wildly deserving of its predecessors, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
has to be given some style points on the "dire scenario" scale. Yes, the concept is a rinse and repeat of the first two (Kill the Connors!),
but we have to give some props in that, despite the heroes' best efforts,
Judgment Day happens. Hell, they spent the entire second film fighting
to prevent it and then they go and blow the world up by film three (and
were almost zen about it). Never mind you have the skin-tight leather
T-X on your heels, killing as many Resistance officers as it can get
its flamethrower on, or that you have the Governator as a wingman. The
world gets nuked to hell. That's a pretty strong "aw hell" moment and certainly not the emotionally satisfying (really?) ending you were hoping for.
9.) 2001: A Space Odyssey
We made the damn things, but there's no denying: intelligent machines just don't care for humans. Such is the case with HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey,
only shown as a single, glowing red eye throughout the Discovery One
spaceship. HAL's role and symbolism in "2001" is a different kind of "aw
crap" scenario in that the crew is wildly dependent on its role in not
only keeping the ship running, but keeping them alive. When HAL began
to feel threatened, it took steps to remove the threat from "the
mission." And when the damn thing controls the ship, how many options
does one have? Rule of thumb astronauts: if you are stuck in space on a
ship with a questionable AI (that can read lips), do not start throwing
around the idea of deactivating said computer. It's afraid.
8.) The Omega Man Sometimes the worst scenario is not the result of aliens or machines, but humanity. Case in point: The Omega Man, a (campy) '70s adaptation of the I Am Legend novel
starring Charlton "I'm the NRA" Heston. After China and the Soviet
Union kill off most of the population from biological warfare, the
remaining members of society have been altered into a cult "Family" of mutants who seek to abolish technology (you should see their hair).
Heston plays the (supposed) last living human on the planet and spends
his days hunting the Family and nights searching for a cure in his
fortified apartment. It doesn't get more dire when you are the last man
standing in a global genocide. To add cultish mutants who
want you dead into the mix doesn't make it any easier for you to get up in the
morning. If you made it through the night.
7.) Moon
Speaking of HAL...GERTY might just be the bastard's son — with a better sense of humor and a little more heart. Moon is
a different kind of doom scenario, focusing on Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell),
a man stationed on the moon. Sam has spent nearly three years at a
harvesting site alone, with only the station's A.I. GERTY (brilliantly
voiced by Kevin Spacey) to help him pass the time. Near the end of his
run, he suffers hallucinations, learns that GERTY is taking orders from
Earth (that go against Sam's plans) and uncovers secrets that his
company does not want getting out. When you have no backup, no means of
communication and go through what can be described as an unusual
identity crisis, you're not having a good day. Unlike other entries on
this list, Moon is far more subdued, but is still a great example of how screwed we can be.
6.) War of the Worlds
You know it. I know it. Your Mom knows it. You see those ships on
the horizon and you exclaim the following: "Aw...shit." Say what you
want about this version (and plenty can be said), you cannot deny that
humanity gets its ass fairly well handed to it in more than one way. In
a world run by electronics (Bad move, doesn't anyone watch sci-fi
flicks?), what's the first thing in our defenses to go? Anything that
can get knocked out by an EMP. Including cars, apparently. So you can't
get out of dodge fast, those ships are a few stories tall, entire rivers
are being flooded with dead bodies and all of your neighbors will
trample you if you don't haul ass? Yes, this script (and ending) is
laughable, but it doesn't take away from the fact that, were it not for
the common cold, humanity would be all kinds of dead by the end of this
film.
5.) The Thing
It's an alien ... but it's you. Or at least, it could be you. But it's
going to kill and assimilate you because, damnit, that's what it does and
it does it well. For the uninitiated, The Thing takes place in
Antarctica and focuses on a group of scientists and crew being hunted by
an alien that can mimic lifeforms on a cellular level. When they
realize the creature can look like any one of them is when the real hell
starts, paranoia playing a big role in some deaths. No matter how many
times the Thing is killed, it seems to have already moved on to another
form. Imagine being stuck in a room and you knew somebody in there could
sprout a mouth out of their stomach and eat you. Would you kill? It's
dark, it's brassy and it's why we love to watch these protagonists(?)
squirm.
4.) The Blair Witch Project
Okay, they might not have seen it coming, but you can't say those kids
weren't asking for it. You set out to make a documentary on a local
legend (legends come form somewhere!) called the Blair Witch? You might
want to brace for some shit to get real. Can't say they were not warned
by the locals of ritualistic killings, strange mists and sounds coming
from the woods and people disappearing. Perhaps the worst part of the
whole situation (aside from being stalked by supernatural forces) is the
fact that once they get their asses into the woods, they cannot get
out. No matter what direction they go, everything seems to lead them to
the abandoned house mentioned in the stories. The fear of the scenario
builds on the unknown as much of the scares come from what is not seen
but heard. Distant noises at nights, snapping twigs and screams in the
dark all wrap up for a result that said filmmakers are not getting out
of this alive. My question has always been: Who the hell went and found
their footage (and got out alive)?
3.) The Matrix
Never mind the Terminators: the machines of The Matrix already
have you beat. In fact, they beat humanity's ass so long ago, we don't
even know what year it is! And they've had you, your parents and
grandparents locked up in the Matrix for a long time. In this film, you
don't even wander into a bad situation — you're already there. If you can
get out (red pill, remember that!), and are crazy enough to go back in,
watch ... your ... ass. Hugo Weaving will come and beat the living hell out
of you. He's stronger, faster and wears his sunglasses at night. You
don't frak with that kind of crazy — unless you're Keanu Reeves.
Subsequent films would neuter the gravitas the Machines/Agents held in
the first film, but you cannot deny that, the first time around, if you
saw an Agent, you do one thing: run your ass off.
2.) Invasion of the Body Snatchers
If The Thing is paranoia at its raw and disgusting level, Invasion of the Body Snatchers presents
the same paranoia with a more refined touch. Like the Antarctic alien,
at the core of "Snatchers" is a race of pod people that are capable of
mimicking human beings near flawlessly. Not only can they replicate
another human's form, but they can also absorb their memories. The drawback is
that they are incapable of expressing emotion. In order to produce
replicants, the pod people take humans, put them in pods and when the
replicant has formed, the original is disintegrated. Damn. For a
race that doesn't do emotions, that's dark. You can't be more in trouble
than when a race of creatures is systematically wiping out the human
race, and you do not know who around you can be trusted or even how to stop the invasion. Best advice is
to tell a lot of bad jokes. It might blow your cover, but you'll know
who your enemies are.
1.) Alien/Aliens
The "Alien" franchise takes the cake in "aw crap" moments, namely the
first two entries. The first entry was classic horror and nothing ever
got better for our unfortunate crew. Whether it's an unfortunate end to a
crew dinner, the captain getting ripped apart in a vent, an android
gone rogue or blowing the ship up to discover the alien has followed you
into your tiny-ass escape pod, Alien doesn't have a bright spot in its dark and ominous tale. Aliens ,decidedly more action-oriented, still had plenty of "aw hell" moments, with the
single alien being upped to a hive of them and the penetration of a
space colony by Facehuggers, all of which is capped by a massive, pissed-off Queen. Naturally, almost nobody got out alive, save Ripley (if you
don't know who that is, shame on you) and a kid (who kills a kid?), but
not before being faced with two films worth of a long pause followed by a very deep, internal "...crap."
