Shooters You Should Play Instead of Battlefield 3: Part 2

Welcome to the second installment in our series of Shooters You Should Play Instead of Battlefield 3.  To catch the first part, click here. Why play Battlefield 3 when you can play Halo Reach? Why kill innocent human beings who happen to be shooting back at you when you can teabag kill bloodthirsty and ruthless aliens and save the planet…all while looking badass…IN THE FUTURE! Everyone tells me, “Justin, the children are our future.” Oh yeah?  Well, Halo: Reach is your chance to save your very own children…in about 50 generations.  Besides, when your mother walks by and sees you saving the human race in that sexy spacesuit, she’ll be proud of you.  Killing terrorists?  That’s so retro. However, the goal of playing video games isn’t to make your parents proud, it’s to earn cosmetic enhancements that make you look cooler while doing so.  There is no better game on the market in which to achieve this goal than Halo: Reach. Why would you want to have an unfair advantage in online multiplayer when you can instead look like this? Look at all those superficial bells and whistles! You might want to argue that Halo: Reach is antiquated.  The multiplayer modes for all intents and purposes are the same as ODST, and for god’s sake, it still doesn’t have iron sights.  Well, you know what?  Halo: Reach doesn’t need iron sights. The weapons are made out of some futuristic metal you’ve never heard of, and they’re so accurate that something as primitive as looking down the barrel of your gun makes people in the future look like that Neanderthal from the Geico commercials.  Besides, everyone knows that firing from your hip is cooler. Another reason why you should play Halo: Reach instead of Battlefield 3 is that it has all the quality of the Halo series, but without Master Chief.  Instead, you get to play as an even more nondescript super-soldier in a spacesuit.  To make it yet more cool, Bungie designed him for maximum efficiency so that he doesn’t even have a name, just a number. Isn’t it much easier just to say “6” than “John-117” anyway?  That’s like, 4 more syllables.  And finally, I’m pretty sick of Cortana calling me “Chief.”  If I wanted to be called that 500 times a day, I’d audition for The Jersey Shore, or maybe a fireman porno.   On a more serious note, Halo: Reach has what many modern military shooters lack: a story that actually matters and fits in with the other games in the series. Hell, it’s a prequel, which everyone knows is less of a sellout than a sequel.  Yeah, in Battlefield 3 you probably save the world or something, but in Halo: Reach, you don’t win, you actually lose.  [Ten year old spoiler ahead] The planet Reach gets blown to bits by the Covenant, and everyone you fight with dies, including you.  Even if I just ruined the entire story for you, Halo: Reach is still a much better way to spend your precious time than another “been there, done that” modern military shooter like Battlefield 3.   Read the next installment in theis series, Counter Strike, then check back with us every day until Battlefield’s launch for another shooter you should play instead of Battlefield 3.