Welcome to “Bagged and Boarded”, a series of articles by Kevin Beckham and Dustin Cabeal. In “Bagged and Boarded” two comic fans express their thoughts/opinions about an issue or comic event.
ASTONISHING X-MEN: XENOGENESIS #1 of 5
COVER BY: Kaare Andrews 
WRITER: Warren Ellis
PENCILS: Kaare Andrews
INKS: Kaare Andrews
LETTERED BY: Chris Eliopulos
“Something’s happening in the tiny East African city of Mbangwi. Something that requires immediate investigation. A newborn sprouts metal electrodes and explodes, taking out an entire hospital. Is this the first wave of mutant rebirth that the X-Men have been praying for…or something very, very different? Something sinister?”- Marvel.com
Dustin: So let me say this right now, this entire book comes off as if Warren Ellis just found out that there is a problem in Africa... like yesterday. Then he was like, “Holy shit! Why aren't the X-Men dealing with this? Let's get them down there! Here's my opinion of Nelsen Mandela!”
Kevin: Wow...
Dustin: I mean could he really get any heavier with his political opinion in this book?
Kevin: No... No you can't get any more than this. I mean you can but...
D: Whatever.
K: On page nine, is that the Hall of Justice?
D: I don't know.
K: Come on look at that thing! Just add a water fountain in the front of that thing and BAM Super Friends! (Ed: Meanwhile, at the Player Affinity headquarters)
D: I thought the X-Men were on some island, or off dealing with the second coming of X-Men or something.
K: So, is this out of continuum or does it not matter because it has the Astonishing moniker?
D: Well, I didn't know Africa was X-Men business. Well, it is now!
K: Let's talk about the story.
D: Right so what did you think?
K: It was a rough start. It felt like they just hung out till it was time to get to their cliff-hanger type of ending.
D: The “Cliffy Loeb”?
K: Yeah. But before you get there, there are all these panels of worthless dialogue that you as the reader want to skip. But on the other hand, you're scared you might miss something.
D: You didn't miss anything.
K: Most of it is with Scott and Storm and the reader is shown “The Leader of the X-Men” acting socially retarded and awkward when Africa is brought up. Like he doesn't know how to address different races, cultures, and environments.
D: He keeps relying on Storm like he didn't even know Africa existed. Come on Scott, how many times have you been down there!?! And what's with this forced dialogue between them that comes off all flirty. Is Warren trying to hook these two up or something?
K: Someone should tell Scott to stop trying to date his co-workers.
K-D: (Laughs)
K: But the real question here is: At the bottom of page nineteen, how much does Emma Frost look like Six from the TV show Blossom ?
D: (Laughs)
K: Worst character design for anything. Ever.
D: Let's talk about that. Storm has a mo-hawk, that's okay. I like the mo-hawk. But she looks twenty feet tall with leg warmers.
K: Totally eighties.
D: Scott looks like he's on heroin because his arms are so skinny.
K: Check the emo flip in his hair.
D: Beast looks more like a monkey than a cat.
K: Made me think of the old X-Men cartoon.
D: Emma looks like a midget with boobs that are big and saggy and has hair that goes down to her feet.
K: I did like the composition of the cover and the coloring in the book.
D:I will agree: the coloring is amazing.
K: It helped a lot but it really couldn't save the book nor keep my interest.
D: This book just feels like Warren Ellis just wanted to introduce the readers to the problems in Africa with a fictitious event. That and Wolverine really knows a lot about Africa.
K: I blame Google for that.
