These girls may look like they’re made of sugar and
spice, but they’re actually made of suppressed rage and hot lead. Decades ago, the idea of a violent
young woman struck pure terror in the hearts of our sexist forefathers, but
now-a-days, deadly teen girls are a symbol of girl-power coolness, and
cliché-subverting action-comedy.
They also provide gamers a chance to see which video game developers
employ lots of creepy old perverts in their art department.
Kasumi from Dead or Alive is one of the most unabashed
examples of the sexy killer schoolgirl cliche. She’s a teenaged ninja whose alternate
outfits include school uniforms and sailor dresses, plus she sports the
obligatory giant hooters that come with EVERY female character in games
developed by Team Ninja. With her
nimble ninjitsu skills, and endless wardrobe of inappropriate outfits, she definitely belongs on this list, even if she rarely kills anyone.
Capcom’s 2-D fighting games are filled with cute-yet-violent
teen girls, but the one who kicks the most butt is Sakura from Street
Fighter. Don’t be fooled by her
courteous manner and adorable sailor outfit, Sakura is just as brutal as Ryu,
Ken and Akuma with her mastery of martial arts, and she can dragon punch with
the best of them.
The Hunter The Reckoning action RPG series had four playable
characters to choose from in the first two games. Eventually a fifth character was added: a busty 18-year-old
raver girl in a corset and miniskirt.
Armed with Pigtails, cleavage and a shotgun, Kaylie Winters slaughtered
the undead while offering up a heaping dose of fan service.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer can probably take credit for making
bad-ass, ditzy cheerleaders a form of feminist empowerment. Starting as a movie, then becoming a TV
show, Buffy also was adapted into a couple of games for last gen consoles. Complete with a cheerleader uniform,
Buffy pounded the undead senseless through two games. Best of all, enemies could only be killed with a stake, so
players could make Buffy hammer away at the vamps endlessly, until finally
putting them out of their misery with a stake.
We could make a whole list just using characters from Capcom
fighting games, so we’ll just limit it to the deadliest and cutest of the lot. The best example of them all is BB Hood
from the Darkstalkers franchise.
Based on Little Red Riding Hood, she may look like she’s bringing a
basket of goodies to grandma’s house, but this girl’s basket is filled with
lethal ordinance, and she’s on her way to gun down some monsters.
Bad Girl from No More Heroes furthers asks the question: "Who says that the Wii is just for kids"? This game has a 23-year-old woman
dressed like a pre-schooler, who murders leathermen with a baseball bat! Despite the silly outfit, and poor choice
of footwear, Bad Girl proves to be a dangerous opponent who can use her
apparent innocence to lure the player into a deadly trap. When she starts crying… stay away from
her!
The whole cast of Deathsmiles. This side-scrolling game has “Death” in the title, and all
of the playable characters are girls ranging between 17 and eleven, who are
dressed up as nurses, maids, and fairy dominatrix things. It was a competent shoot-em-up, but the
exploitative art style, made it a bit creepy, especially when you factor in the
promotional minigame that challenged players to blow off the characters’ skirts
revealing their panties. Don’t get
me started on the symbolism of the giant cyclops with a huge horn sprouting
out of his head…
Liara T’Soni of Mass Effect might be 106 years old, but in
terms of her long-lived race, she’s a barely-legal Maiden. Belonging to a species of blue,
bi-sexual space nymphos, Liara is ripe for seduction regardless of which gender
Players have chosen for their player character. But aside from adding in the best possible romantic subplot
of the game, Liara is also the most-powerful telekinetic in the game, able to
crush enemies with her brain.
Alma Wade from F.E.A.R. The first game in this series of horror/shooters has the
player fighting an army of heavily-armed goons, but what really scared the crap
out of hardcore gamers were the occasional appearances of this creepy little
girl. Always showing up just out
of reach, Alma would appear to torment the player with horrific visions, and
near-fatal psychic assaults, steadily growing in power until, in the
soon-to-be-released F.E.A.R. 3 she becomes an unstoppable force of pychic
terror. While she is a mass-murderess
who has killed her way through three games, and several expansion packs, Alma
isn’t quite adorable enough to take the top spot on our list.
By far the deadliest (And cutest) gaming lolita is Alice
from American McGee’s Alice.
Everyone is mad here, but this interpretation of Lewis Carroll’s adventurous
little girl has had a complete psychotic break. This version of Alice runs around a warped version of
wonderland, murdering things with a butcher knife, and an arsenal of deadly
toys. The upcoming sequel gives
her a new stash of weapons, and an extensive wardrobe of pretty outfits
too. Still, no matter how cute she
is, she will still stab your eye out if you look at her wrong during a tea
party!
